I am having mixed feelings about closing the book on 2012. It seems bittersweet in many regards. Don't get me wrong, there were some less-than-stellar moments. I think about the first few months, January-March, when I was training hard for my first half marathon. My body was tired. I was also running a Mock Trial tournament at school and practicing for Mock Trial Regionals. It certainly was a busy couple of months. Then, we were thrown into an unseasonably warm Spring. I remember running on days when the weather felt too good to be real. The 11 and 12-mile runs almost seemed easy on those days. My birthday is March 5. My mom took me to Nashville to see my favorite band, Mumford & Sons. We shopped. We ate. It was a lot of fun. I remember eating a three-course meal at Morton's Steakhouse. I ate so much. I cannot imagine what my blood sugar would have read had I known to check.
In April, the big news came. If you need a refresher, check out this post that details how I ended up in the hospital with a Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis. The next few weeks were hard. They were harder than I cared to admit to myself or to you all. I was thrust into a new way of living. I tried to embrace it with positivity, but some days just sucked. The hardest part of the whole thing, early on and today, is the unwelcome anxiety that comes with knowing I'm sick. Maybe "sick" isn't the appropriate word, but I do have a chronic illness which, over time, can damage the body's organs. It has very real short-term dangers and long-term dangers. In truth, I don't think about that every waking hour of every day, but I do carry around more worries than I'd like.
This isn't a set-up so that I can say the dreaded Bar Exam ended the way it did because of Diabetes. I maintained in October just as I maintain today, Diabetes had nothing to do with my failing the Bar. I know plenty of people who like to argue otherwise, and I appreciate their benefit of the doubt. You know what? Failing the Bar Exam has been a blessing in disguise. Yes, I am taking it again in February, but I have been able to explore all sorts of great ideas for my future. Some legal, some not. Some creative, some not. Some lucrative, some not. I would trade in the embarrassment, of course. But I take full ownership of the results and the person I have become in their wake.
As usual, the holidays came and went, and 2013 stands beckoning. 2012 sure did deal me a hand of cards...a series of defining moments. I hope more than anything that this blog has been one iota as helpful for someone else as it has been for me. It has been my therapy and creative outlet throughout the good and bad. In 2013, I plan to continue this blog. I plan to continue my candor with you, the readers, about the realities of Diabetes. I vow to continue to take care of my health, both physical and mental. It has been far too easy to reflect on 2012 and put myself and my struggles at center stage. But when I zoom out, my struggles and I are mighty small in this big world. My struggles and I are mighty small in comparison to my abundant blessings. You see, my family and friends, whether they know it or not, have carried me this year. Every word of encouragement, concern, and love has been internalized and re-internalized to propel me onward. I'm carrying you all with me into the adventures of 2013. Many thanks to you and your support.
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